Witness the greatest actor in all of humankind…

by Robert Popper on March 27, 2009 · 29 comments

Please give a big hand for ‘Thespian Billy’.

This is probably Peter S and my favourite clip of anything, ever. It’s from a show called ‘Star Quality’, which we’ve both been completely addicted to ever since I was randomly sent a VHS copy by the show’s creator many years ago. Peter and I know every line, every stumble, every inch of embarrassment off by heart.

Star Quality was made in 1989 for HTV (now, ITV Wales). They only ever made one series of 6 programmes, and believe me, it is the most ridiculously complicated quiz show ever conceived. It is beyond bad, beyond brilliant, beyond any adjective available – including one I am just about to make up…crudlastic.

More about Star Quality here.

I hope you’re not jealous, but Peter and I are probably the only people on Earth who have a DVD copy of the series. Please don’t be jealous. Please…

Tagged as: Robert Popper, Star Quality, Thespian Billy

  • Lazyboy

    Most excellent. I too am wearing my brothers shorts.

  • http://www.adrian.tk/ fourstar

    Thespian Billy is a dead ringer for Nick Moran IMHO…

  • Doris Woo

    I’d give you my next-born for a copy of the Star Quality DVD (I don’t like kids). Something less desperate will do as well (other crudiastic DVDs or music)… lemme know if we can barter!

  • http://www.iamlivid.com Mr Angry

    I like this. Not enough of today’s quiz shows use a Calculator.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/moogyboobles/ Tracy

    I am very jealous indeed. Could you not let us all see it too in a kind of @Glinner style #starqualityclub viewing twitter session?
    Or would you find it hard in a moment of excitement to not let little tweets escape spoiling a future moment?

  • Alexander

    I’m pretty jealous, I would pay top dollar to see more.

  • http://blog.david-marsden.com David

    Wow. I find myself dipping my head to the left without noticing……. It’s inconvenient.

  • davywhatever

    Thespian Billy’s performance brings to mind Charlie Hunnam’s masterful turn in Green Street.

    And Gyles’ arm movements alone are a thing of beauty!

  • dufflecock

    Copyrights be damned. I think you are beholden to the world to rip mp4s of the series and post to some filesharing site.

  • Bod Notbod

    That… that was… I have to watch that again. Although I really don’t want to. No.

  • http://skagsup.blogspot.com Bown

    This clip was on an episode of Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe, I believe. It’s a shame Thespian Billy never got any major roles.

    Although I have to say, were those scores they were giving out of 10? I hope not.

  • John.

    I would pay real, good money to see more of this program. I got addicted from your bit on the first ever Screenwipe and I need more.

  • divazinc

    My brother was a sportmen before he decease…???
    Theatre cum gesture???

    Brilliant! Surely it should be THESPIAN BILLY!!!!! Did he win? Did he?
    Any chance of knowing what Rachel had to do? I so want to find out now.

  • @RichNeville

    I think thespian Billy went on to do British regional accent coaching for US actors – it would explain a number of unusual performances…

  • Flammenfisch

    Billy is indeed a masterly thespian, and DON’T YOU CONTRADICT ME! *pregnant pause* *BONG*

  • passLion

    “A little bit of Dramuuu!”

  • http://somethingagogo.com Andrew

    thats almost as funny as the Canadian gameshow The Mad Dash.
    I once saw a contestant walk away with a total winnings of $10
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d1TFHwXhP4
    just a clip from the show not the $10 win.

  • http://mediumwavepodcast.blogspot.com/ Dr Volume

    Its like William Burroughs sort of cut-up text!

    “though we hadastreetmusicianin…a few weeks ago..gave him satisfaction I believe”

    “..But what’s the good…”

    “DON’T CONTWADICT ME!”

  • http://dalasverdugo.com dalas verdugo

    Even better than Numberwang!

  • http://gimbo.org.uk/blog/ Andy Gimblett

    Ewww, Gyles Brandreth. *Shudder*

  • http://skagsup.blogspot.com Bown

    Oh yeah, you were the one who talked about Star Quality on Screenwipe.

    ….well, don’t I just look the fool.

  • Blake

    Ah, this show was the inspiration for “Music 2000″ wasn’t it?

  • http://www.myspace.com/kanesimon simon kane

    And this speech was later used in “The Wire”.

  • Dave

    Absolutely amazing. I vaguely recall seeing this show. HTV in the late 80s, also had another utterly baffling gameshow called Your Number’s Up, which my mate Noel and me used to watch (on account of where I lived being in a ‘shadow area’ where we couldn’t get Granada only HTV, I live in Wallasey). It was hosted by Gareth ‘Gaz’ Top. Here’a description of it.
    http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php?title=Your_Number%27s_Up

  • Anon

    JUSTATHEATRICALGESCHU!

  • http://www.sanoodi.com papalamour

    This took me back to Drama classes Form 4 circa 85..
    Our Drama teacher was neeearly as bad and had a white top to match the trousers.

  • http://boinc.vanderbilt.edu/CSB/view_profile.php?userid=1660 mark

    It is the coolest site,keep so!

  • Phil

    Good gravy, this is awesome. I also remember your little spot on Screenwipe regarding this, and ever since, my interest was piqued. You and Pete need to secure the rights to this. Why on earth did the show’s creator send you this spectacular piece of light entertainment anyway?

    The way Giles introduces THESPIAN BIIILLLLYYYY! is terrifying, a performance worthy of Vincent Price himself. As for Billy, well, I’m sure Halifax are looking for a new bozo to star in one of their godawful adverts…

  • Human Billy

    This is the best dramo I have ever seen.

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