Witness the greatest actor in all of humankind…

by Robert Popper on March 27, 2009 · View Comments

Please give a big hand for ‘Thespian Billy’.

This is probably Peter S and my favourite clip of anything, ever. It’s from a show called ‘Star Quality’, which we’ve both been completely addicted to ever since I was randomly sent a VHS copy by the show’s creator many years ago. Peter and I know every line, every stumble, every inch of embarrassment off by heart.

Star Quality was made in 1989 for HTV (now, ITV Wales). They only ever made one series of 6 programmes, and believe me, it is the most ridiculously complicated quiz show ever conceived. It is beyond bad, beyond brilliant, beyond any adjective available – including one I am just about to make up…crudlastic.

More about Star Quality here.

I hope you’re not jealous, but Peter and I are probably the only people on Earth who have a DVD copy of the series. Please don’t be jealous. Please…

{ 29 comments }

1 Lazyboy March 27, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Most excellent. I too am wearing my brothers shorts.

2 fourstar March 27, 2009 at 3:42 pm

Thespian Billy is a dead ringer for Nick Moran IMHO…

3 Doris Woo March 27, 2009 at 3:46 pm

I’d give you my next-born for a copy of the Star Quality DVD (I don’t like kids). Something less desperate will do as well (other crudiastic DVDs or music)… lemme know if we can barter!

4 Mr Angry March 27, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I like this. Not enough of today’s quiz shows use a Calculator.

5 Tracy March 27, 2009 at 3:58 pm

I am very jealous indeed. Could you not let us all see it too in a kind of @Glinner style #starqualityclub viewing twitter session?
Or would you find it hard in a moment of excitement to not let little tweets escape spoiling a future moment?

6 Alexander March 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

I’m pretty jealous, I would pay top dollar to see more.

7 David March 27, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Wow. I find myself dipping my head to the left without noticing……. It’s inconvenient.

8 davywhatever March 27, 2009 at 4:36 pm

Thespian Billy’s performance brings to mind Charlie Hunnam’s masterful turn in Green Street.

And Gyles’ arm movements alone are a thing of beauty!

9 dufflecock March 27, 2009 at 5:27 pm

Copyrights be damned. I think you are beholden to the world to rip mp4s of the series and post to some filesharing site.

10 Bod Notbod March 27, 2009 at 5:27 pm

That… that was… I have to watch that again. Although I really don’t want to. No.

11 Bown March 27, 2009 at 5:35 pm

This clip was on an episode of Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe, I believe. It’s a shame Thespian Billy never got any major roles.

Although I have to say, were those scores they were giving out of 10? I hope not.

12 John. March 27, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I would pay real, good money to see more of this program. I got addicted from your bit on the first ever Screenwipe and I need more.

13 divazinc March 27, 2009 at 7:08 pm

My brother was a sportmen before he decease…???
Theatre cum gesture???

Brilliant! Surely it should be THESPIAN BILLY!!!!! Did he win? Did he?
Any chance of knowing what Rachel had to do? I so want to find out now.

14 @RichNeville March 27, 2009 at 8:13 pm

I think thespian Billy went on to do British regional accent coaching for US actors – it would explain a number of unusual performances…

15 Flammenfisch March 27, 2009 at 8:49 pm

Billy is indeed a masterly thespian, and DON’T YOU CONTRADICT ME! *pregnant pause* *BONG*

16 passLion March 27, 2009 at 9:41 pm

“A little bit of Dramuuu!”

17 Andrew March 28, 2009 at 12:08 am

thats almost as funny as the Canadian gameshow The Mad Dash.
I once saw a contestant walk away with a total winnings of $10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d1TFHwXhP4
just a clip from the show not the $10 win.

18 Dr Volume March 28, 2009 at 1:47 am

Its like William Burroughs sort of cut-up text!

“though we hadastreetmusicianin…a few weeks ago..gave him satisfaction I believe”

“..But what’s the good…”

“DON’T CONTWADICT ME!”

19 dalas verdugo March 28, 2009 at 1:54 am

Even better than Numberwang!

20 Andy Gimblett March 28, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Ewww, Gyles Brandreth. *Shudder*

21 Bown March 28, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Oh yeah, you were the one who talked about Star Quality on Screenwipe.

….well, don’t I just look the fool.

22 Blake March 29, 2009 at 12:27 am

Ah, this show was the inspiration for “Music 2000″ wasn’t it?

23 simon kane March 30, 2009 at 10:23 pm

And this speech was later used in “The Wire”.

24 Dave April 3, 2009 at 7:49 am

Absolutely amazing. I vaguely recall seeing this show. HTV in the late 80s, also had another utterly baffling gameshow called Your Number’s Up, which my mate Noel and me used to watch (on account of where I lived being in a ‘shadow area’ where we couldn’t get Granada only HTV, I live in Wallasey). It was hosted by Gareth ‘Gaz’ Top. Here’a description of it.
http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php?title=Your_Number%27s_Up

25 Anon April 13, 2009 at 7:34 pm

JUSTATHEATRICALGESCHU!

26 papalamour April 14, 2009 at 2:13 pm

This took me back to Drama classes Form 4 circa 85..
Our Drama teacher was neeearly as bad and had a white top to match the trousers.

27 mark April 14, 2009 at 11:14 pm

It is the coolest site,keep so!

28 Phil April 18, 2009 at 11:56 am

Good gravy, this is awesome. I also remember your little spot on Screenwipe regarding this, and ever since, my interest was piqued. You and Pete need to secure the rights to this. Why on earth did the show’s creator send you this spectacular piece of light entertainment anyway?

The way Giles introduces THESPIAN BIIILLLLYYYY! is terrifying, a performance worthy of Vincent Price himself. As for Billy, well, I’m sure Halifax are looking for a new bozo to star in one of their godawful adverts…

29 Human Billy May 28, 2009 at 3:29 pm

This is the best dramo I have ever seen.

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