Am I going mad?

You know how women love shower heads so much? Well now they're portable.

So that's where I lost them. I had offered a small reward, $3.74.

It's a trial-sized dispenser of Reverse-Osmosis water

Looks rather a lot like one of the cheaper types of Pilt-Wendler, a device for replacing or remoisturising the clansett while it remains in situ on the faltenner (or Duke's Hammer, if you prefer).

I think these days that procedure has to be carried out by a licenced Piltwrangler (or Piltic Divination Master if you're lucky enough to have one) and these devices are frowned upon. It's easy to see why. The glanis nozzle is very unrefined and usually fails to form an adequate seal. There were quite a few injuries involving these in the early days and I think now you can't actually buy them any more. Probably for the best.

Of course in my grandparents' day, you'd make your own from an old Clemmy box and a length of spube.

It's my grandads catherta and he wants it back!

Is it a pooter, one of them things for collecting and studying insects. You suck in one end and suck up the bugs. dont suck in the wrong end though......

Holding the face attachment in a horizontal fashion, you put the twiddley-tweeper (sticky-out bit on the left of the face attachment) in your mouth, then you both blow _and_ suck in a melodic fashion.

The clear liquid in the hamonique (TM) tank converts your breathing-related actions into musical bubbles. These bubbles then disperse 22 seconds later, through the audio-fan (fan-like bit on the right of the face attachment) which you direct towards your cheek-ear-continuum.

The little blue tube, or 'toob', goes into your ear, and a little wire extends from said toob into your ear canal. This hijacks the auditory nerves, in order to feed a musiqal-echo (TM) directly to your brain.

It's great stress relief. I hope these instructions help.
Sir Rob of Poppleton, please upload audio files if you have any success.

It's a horses-tears dispenser - ideal for narrowboats or smaller trucks

It's an artificial heart for a blue whale.

Correct! 5 points!

No, it's a new doll accessory. Barbie's biological warfare shelter.

I'm sure it's a Bellman 120 Water-Lovely!

It is a portable colonic irrigation device with attachable fan for post-op drying option.

I'm pretty sure that it is part of the innards of an office water cooler. http://www.edensprings.co.uk/bottled-water-cool...
The prong is where the big water bottle fits over, and the bottle in the picture is the chilled water reservoir.

Probably correct (boringly...)

It's a low-budget WALL-E.

Also, does it blow or suck?

Neither. It whisks.

Need more info - what does the clear liquid inside taste like? Does it induce hallucinations, giggling, vomiting or death?

Only confusion.

It's a dihydrogen monoxide flange douche.

Isnt it one of those Swine Flu fear pheromone generators?

Ever wondered how Amanda Holden manages to cry through a face of no emotion? She actually has one of these strapped on her somewhere and when she needs to show emotion she squeeses her left knee and hey presto! Instant tears.

That be one of them doo-hickies!!!

Is it an 'extreme hydrator' or a 'Taur-Gnooces'

Or a Prine-Helmteth.

Its a vodka pump. Designed to pump vodka into dogs and pigs. Note the muzzle fitting at the end of the pipe.

Yup - could be that...

It's a soap dispenser for mice.

Or for baby rabbits (bunnies)

It's an alien.