Am I going mad?

by Robert Popper on June 1, 2009 · 32 comments

What is going on?

A few days ago I found this weird object in the street:

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And today I found another one by the bin in my office bathroom:

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Just what is it? Does anyone know? Can anyone help?! Obviously a boring factual answer would probably be useful, but before we get there, anyone got any (silly) suggestions…?

Tagged as: Robert Popper, Thing

  • http://www.twitter.com/AllyFarrell Ally Farrell

    It’s an alien.

  • Tom Daylight

    It’s a soap dispenser for mice.

  • Joe

    Its a vodka pump. Designed to pump vodka into dogs and pigs. Note the muzzle fitting at the end of the pipe.

  • Carl

    Is it an ‘extreme hydrator’ or a ‘Taur-Gnooces’

  • Aaron

    That be one of them doo-hickies!!!

  • http://formulaic.100yen.co.uk Paul

    Ever wondered how Amanda Holden manages to cry through a face of no emotion? She actually has one of these strapped on her somewhere and when she needs to show emotion she squeeses her left knee and hey presto! Instant tears.

  • James Wood

    Isnt it one of those Swine Flu fear pheromone generators?

  • http://www.tracymorter.com Tracy

    It’s a dihydrogen monoxide flange douche.

  • http://shacklemore.blogspot.com Shackleford Hurtmore

    Need more info – what does the clear liquid inside taste like? Does it induce hallucinations, giggling, vomiting or death?

  • http://shacklemore.blogspot.com Shackleford Hurtmore

    Also, does it blow or suck?

  • http://www.apathysketchpad.com @Andrew_Taylor

    It’s a low-budget WALL-E.

  • professoryard

    I’m pretty sure that it is part of the innards of an office water cooler. http://www.edensprings.co.uk/bottled-water-coolers,uk,4,9.html
    The prong is where the big water bottle fits over, and the bottle in the picture is the chilled water reservoir.

  • http://www.insultsblog.com Poo Shine

    It is a portable colonic irrigation device with attachable fan for post-op drying option.

  • Paul Litchfield

    I’m sure it’s a Bellman 120 Water-Lovely!

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Or for baby rabbits (bunnies)

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Yup – could be that…

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Or a Prine-Helmteth.

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Only confusion.

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Neither. It whisks.

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Probably correct (boringly…)

  • John Wilding

    No, it’s a new doll accessory. Barbie’s biological warfare shelter.

  • King Hani

    It’s an artificial heart for a blue whale.

  • Matthew

    It’s a horses-tears dispenser – ideal for narrowboats or smaller trucks

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Correct! 5 points!

  • Fennetta Goat

    Holding the face attachment in a horizontal fashion, you put the twiddley-tweeper (sticky-out bit on the left of the face attachment) in your mouth, then you both blow _and_ suck in a melodic fashion.

    The clear liquid in the hamonique (TM) tank converts your breathing-related actions into musical bubbles. These bubbles then disperse 22 seconds later, through the audio-fan (fan-like bit on the right of the face attachment) which you direct towards your cheek-ear-continuum.

    The little blue tube, or ‘toob’, goes into your ear, and a little wire extends from said toob into your ear canal. This hijacks the auditory nerves, in order to feed a musiqal-echo (TM) directly to your brain.

    It’s great stress relief. I hope these instructions help.
    Sir Rob of Poppleton, please upload audio files if you have any success.

  • Fold

    Is it a pooter, one of them things for collecting and studying insects. You suck in one end and suck up the bugs. dont suck in the wrong end though……

  • Vas Deferens

    It’s my grandads catherta and he wants it back!

  • Chris

    Looks rather a lot like one of the cheaper types of Pilt-Wendler, a device for replacing or remoisturising the clansett while it remains in situ on the faltenner (or Duke’s Hammer, if you prefer).

    I think these days that procedure has to be carried out by a licenced Piltwrangler (or Piltic Divination Master if you’re lucky enough to have one) and these devices are frowned upon. It’s easy to see why. The glanis nozzle is very unrefined and usually fails to form an adequate seal. There were quite a few injuries involving these in the early days and I think now you can’t actually buy them any more. Probably for the best.

    Of course in my grandparents’ day, you’d make your own from an old Clemmy box and a length of spube.

  • Jim

    It’s a trial-sized dispenser of Reverse-Osmosis water

  • Nina San Francisco

    So that’s where I lost them. I had offered a small reward, $3.74.

  • http://sprintingtohell.wordpress.com Josh

    You know how women love shower heads so much? Well now they’re portable.

  • http://www.twitter.com/AllyFarrell Ally Farrell

    It's an alien.

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