My head just exploded. Thrice!

by Robert Popper on June 20, 2009 · 30 comments

You don’t need me to tell why this it is so maddeningly funny…

But I am going to tell you, anyway…

1) The way the woman says: ‘Toilet paper is disgusting’. What has she been using up to now? Soft sheets of silver?
2) The woman who suddenly says the word, ‘dignity’ in that weird cockney accent.
3) ‘Being a big guy’ – well, that just summons up all sorts of wrong thoughts.
4) I can’t help thinking that, sometimes, when you press the ‘release’ button and it drops the toilet paper into the bowl, well, surely, there’s a chance – like, a real chance, that it may not always land where you want it to. What then? The Comfort Oh-My-God-I-Have-To-Pick-That-Up-Now?
5) ‘The first improvement to toilet paper as we know it since the 1880′s’ This merits an ‘a’ and a ‘b’:
a) ‘As we know it’ – As if they’ve spent years of research looking into this matter, and yet there is still a possibility that there may have been an improvement in toilet paper since the 1880′s, but they are yet to find it.
b) ‘The 1880′s’ – What was going on in the 1880′s? Was the entire, worldwide scientific community dedicated solely to the betterment of toilet paper usage? And because there was just so much work carried out in this field, and so many differing theories on toilet paperage, that is impossible to pin down a finite date within the 1880′s as the cut-off point for real toilet paper development?
6) Is it me, or does the Get a Grip bath holder device look a bit too much like the Comfort Wipe? It does doesn’t it?
7) Obviously the finest bit:
“Or If you are someone who just doesn’t want to touch dirty toilet paper” Well, I don’t know about you, but…

Thanks to @londonfilmgeek for this lovely, sweet-smelling clip.

PS – I am so going to call that number. Watch this space…

Tagged as: Comfort Wipe, Robert Popper

  • Sean O’Brien

    Since when does being a “big guy” have its advantages?! Getting two seats instead of one on a plane?!

  • http://www.mattkirshen.com Matt Kirshen

    What do I use if I don’t want to touch a dirty comfort wipe?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/moogyboobles Tracy

    I’ve had a week to ponder the wonders of this over. I’m stuck in a marketing paradox. Are they clever, exploiting the viral marketing potential of such an advert? Or this is a genuine serious advert? Either way it kinda fails, those who get why it’s funny aren’t really in it’s target demographic.
    So this means it’s genuine, and some people don’t like touching toilet paper. All they need to improve this is an andrex puppy playing fetch with it at the end.

  • http://www.twitter.com/AnnjelZ Annjelina

    I think I just did a little wee from laughin at that…oh no I’m gonna have to wipe myself!

  • http://www.bjsproductions.co.uk Ben

    “For over 100 years, we’ve been scrunching and folding toilet paper. Finally there’s a better way.”
    She says that, yet in every demo of the product, she still folds a pre-torn length of toilet paper, *before* she grips it with the comfort wipe?

    At the point when she presses the release button, it certainly seems reluctant to release to me. There’s definitely some wobbling and shaking going on there to assist the “release”.

  • Professoryard

    Oh that’s brilliant – that’s the best they could come up with after 130 years?

  • http://www.comfortwipe.com/ Dirk

    Bonkers made-up nonsense; isn’t it, please say yes?

    100 years my arse; the Romans called it a ‘spongia’ and it was kept in a bucket of water and communal.

    What is the ettiquette for this? Are you supposed to share the stick or have I got the wrong end of the comfort wipe?

    “Mmm we can make them brush their bum!”

  • http://gerablog.livejournal.com Emily

    I stumbled on your blog and haven’t the slightest idea who you are to be honest, but lovely stuff. And bookmarked.

  • http://www.madcrazydaft.co.uk KFK

    I was very excited to see what else I could get for my 19.99 (these ads always have at least 3 or 4 extra bargains at the end)

    ” And what’s more, if you order now, we will rush you the Comfort Wipe holder – You’ll never have to hold another dirty Comfort Wipe again!

    And That’s not all, we’ll also throw in the Comfort Wipe Holder Holder – Say Goodbye to Filthy Comfort Wipe Holders. Forever!”

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Thanks Emily.

  • http://thunderpeel2001.blogspot.com Johnny Walker

    Here are my favourite this:

    1. The idea that “folding” and “scrunching” (scrunching??) toilet paper is a “problem” we’ve had to deal with for over 100 years.
    2. Just how many people are there that require an additional *18* inches of additional reach?!
    3. The clip of the woman scrubbing her back with a Comfort Wi– no wait, a shower brush! (phew)
    4. The Joan Rivers lookalike talking about maintaining “dignity”.

    I can imagine that this would just go horribly, horribly wrong. Rather than being “hygienic” I can only see it being quite the opposite… Surely, and I know this is horrible, but surely the tissue could break. Or your “aim” would be off and the “Comfort Wipe” itself would find itself in the wrong place. Or it would refuse to “release” the tissue paper (and do you have to stand up to release it??). The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

    Also, are you supposed to SHARE this device? Is the whole family to supposed to share? Do you have a separate one for guests?? (Oh, god…)

    This isn’t a breakthrough, it’s an abomination of science!

  • http://thunderpeel2001.blogspot.com Johnny Walker

    Here are my favourite things:

    1. The idea that “folding” and “scrunching” (scrunching??) toilet paper is a “problem” we’ve had to deal with for over 100 years.
    2. Just how many people are there that require an additional *18* inches of additional reach?!
    3. The clip of the woman scrubbing her back with a Comfort Wi– no wait, a shower brush! (phew)
    4. The Joan Rivers lookalike talking about maintaining “dignity”.

    I can imagine that this would just go horribly, horribly wrong. Rather than being “hygienic” I can only see it being quite the opposite… Surely, and I know this is horrible, but surely the tissue could break. Or your “aim” would be off and the “Comfort Wipe” itself would find itself in the wrong place. Or it would refuse to “release” the tissue paper (and do you have to stand up to release it??). The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

    Also, are you supposed to SHARE this device? Is the whole family to supposed to share? Do you have a separate one for guests?? (Oh, god…)

    This isn’t a breakthrough, it’s an abomination of science!

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Hilarious!

  • Joellifer

    Watching it makes me want to go and wash my hands. I like how she holds the comfort wipe about a foot away from her at all times. Why does a lady in her 60s need help to go to the toilet? Which illness was sweeping through the studio causing sudden and severe right shoulder pain? I’m actually going to wash my hands, I feel unclean.

  • Mandy Rhoads

    Johnny, you said

    2. Just how many people are there that require an additional *18* inches of additional reach?!

    Think about it. The USA has some of the most obese people in the world who probably can’t reach round properly to their arses as it is. Not that I’m advocating this horrendous piece of rubbish. It cannot be anything BUT unhygienic.

    If you have such a problem with wiping your own faeces of your backside, get one of those Japanese-style toilets that comes with an integrated Bidet, I spent years in Japan and for a long time never used toilet paper in the home other than to wipe off makeup.

  • Horseradish

    I’m still unsure how one would use such a gizmo. When she handles it, the gripper end is curved away from the body – surely it should curl around and in, (like one of those dog ball carriers) to reach the undercarriage? And to comfortably handle it from the traditional ‘elbows-on-knees’ position adopted by most UK lavatory goers, it would need to be much longer, and perhaps incorporate a number of pulleys.

  • http://www.twitter.com/jefy Jefy Hunt

    My highlight was the fake pained expressions of shoulder-ache.

  • http://daily35.photoposts.org Stu

    I like the way the old one that can’t wipe herself says ‘Maytayn yor diginity’.
    Ha.

  • http://sebastiantopp.blogspot.com/ Alex Pritchard

    There is nothing ‘Dignified’ about wiping your arse with a stick.

  • Dave

    The 18 inches extra reach thing is crazyy. How far up your own anus do you really need to wipe? Plus, what a faff. you would have to-pull the paper off and fold (British way) or scrunch (American way), then insert into comfort wipe, wipe, stand up, get more paper, repeat the process. Let’s face it, it wouldn’t have the same amount of applicational pressure or digital intricacies of your fingers. Ergo, it would take shit loads more wiping (you see what I did there?)

  • Dave

    What’s up with that older lady’s voice? Isn’t the Assist Grip one of those things glaziers use to pick up glass?

  • IJ

    the clip of the lady using a shower brush instantly made me think of someone rubbing faeces over themselves using the comfort wipe

    massive lols at ‘dignity’ in a cockney accent!

  • http://www.robertpopper.com Robert Popper

    Exactly what I thought of too!

  • http://www.leoabrahams.com Leo Abrahams

    i can see how this could be a useful device for wiping someone *else’s* arse, but as for one’s own… surely ‘additional reach’ is more of a hindrance than a help? i even confess to attempting a trousers-on ‘dry’ simulation with a wooden spoon and i couldn’t get it to work at all. maybe i’m just stuck in the 1880s.

  • H Voodoo

    “Think about it! Toilet paper is really archaic and disgusting…” Archaic? Without being rude it looked like that was the first time she had ever used that word in her life. Or perhaps the second if you count the time she asked the director of the advert what it meant.

    I’m still ordering one though. I’m a ‘big guy’ and I’m just not into touching dirty toilet paper.

  • Propagatrix

    My mind instantly went to Bart Simpson’s fantasy of himself as a grossly obese adult, mumbling “I wash myself with a rag on a stick.”

    http://ragonastick.ytmnd.com/

  • http://schwabby.wordpress.com Aaron

    i’d love to see the warehouse where they sell these. $5 on “still fully-stocked.”

  • Lee

    I had to listen to the middle woman say the word ‘dignity’ SEVEN times!! What happened to her voice?? And why talk over each shoulder?

  • Dan

    That thing does NOT look like it would fit between my asscheeks.

    Reminds me of Homer pushing the orange into his eye – “Huh? You mean there’s a better way?!”

  • Emma

    thats messed up. like, seriously…

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